Collection Memorial
When Dreams Die
They say that as adults, all we do is chase some unrealized childhood dream. Well, I didn’t come from much. In fact, I came from nothing. My Doofenshmirtzian childhood never allowed me to have much. So, it goes without saying that the moment I was able to afford a coveted in-game item, it was only a matter of time before I got it.
There were twelve in total—twelve knives, of which ten were let go. Why so many? It was part of a plan devised by me and a friend—or someone who used to be a friend. We noticed an unfortunate phenomenon: play-knives lost their appeal after extended exposure, to the point where you didn’t even want to play the game anymore. The solution? A collection of knives you could “shuffle” through—a feature that doesn’t even work properly in CS2.
But why Stained? Well, at first, there wasn’t any rhyme or reason to it. We were rocking any knife we could lay our hands on, any skin, any exterior. But then a wish for a more unified look arose. The aforementioned friend suggested a low-key and vanilla approach: no skins at all, just vanilla knives. Charmed by the idea, I began accumulating vanilla knives.
A karambit, M9, and a butterfly. My vanilla collection didn’t get far before the prices of vanilla knives skyrocketed. It became unattainable and unfeasible for me to pursue this goal. So, I needed a cheaper alternative. I decided on a white loadout, which left me choosing between Stained and Damascus Steel. I chose the former for its sheer meme potential.
A long and convoluted lore developed among friends, where my supposed “daddy” “made” my vanilla collection turn Stained… It all added to the legend.
The collection was dedicated to the best MC who ever lived, and it was named after his alter egos. My connection between MF DOOM and Counter-Strike runs deep. I discovered DOOM through Phoon back in 2013. He used Crosshairs, Curls, and The Final Hour. This means I don’t quite know which one was the first DOOM song I ever heard, but the last two struck me on such a deep level that they sent me down the rabbit hole of DOOM. (Pause.)
I remember visiting the Genius lyric page and seeing every single line annotated, with paragraphs upon paragraphs behind each annotation. Every. Single. Line. It was then and there that I realized DOOM is the greatest rapper who ever lived. And it doesn’t matter who’s in second place because DOOM is running circles around them.
M9 Bayonet - MF DOOM
The M9 was the second knife I ever got, somewhere in 2013. So it’s only nature it would be the one to start the collection, and given the main name of “MF DOOM.”
Karambit - Viktor Vaughn
As far as I’m concerned, Viktor Vaughn was the main “alter ego” of DOOM, the Jekyll to his Hyde. And, like many other OG’s, I consider the Karambit to be the opposite to the M9. (For some unexplainable reason.)
Huntsman Knife - King Geedorah
The Gut Knife was my actual first knife. I remember being bullied by a Swedish 12-year-old kid after I told him to shut up. He said something along the lines of: “Sorry, I don’t take shit from someone with a Gut Knife.” Sure was funny, got my whole discord call laughin’. But you know what? I secretly liked the Gut Knife. Something about that animation. And if you’re telling me I could get the same animation, only without the bullying that comes with owning a Gut Knife, rest assured it will become my (secret) favorite. Just like “Take me to Your Leader.”
Butterfly Knife - DANGERDOOM
If DANGERDOOM’s “The Mouse & The Mask” could be summarized with one word, it would be “playful.” Just like the fidgeting of the Butterfly.
Bayonet - MADVILLIAN
Something about the sprazzatura of the Bayonet’s animation screams perfection to me. GOAT knife? Could be, but Madvilliany sure is a GOAT album.
Ursus Knife - GG DOOM! BUT HOW?
The first unofficial fan album that was so influencial for me, I had to include it. If you appreciate DOOM or even Hip-hop, I urge to to give it a listen. Keep your ear out for the Frank Zappa flip.
Talon Knife - METAL FINGERS
This was dedicated to DOOM’s producer alter ego.
Nomad Knife - JJ DOOM
Key to the Kuffs was always an edgier album by DOOM, and God knows it soothed the angsty 16-year-old heart of mine, along side first Run The Jewels album. The rare animation where the Nomad cuts the user reminds me of that edge.
Shadow Daggers - DILLA GHOST DOOM
An underated collabartion, for an underated knife. The duality is simbolic of the two geniuses.
BOWIE KNIFE - DANIEL DUMILE
A big knife for a big man. Physically and spiritually.
Classic Knife - ZEV LOVE X
The Classic OG.
Flip Knife - SADEVILLIAN
Supplied to me by my good friend and gay lover, whose own connection to the knife is long and deep. This is the second unofficial fan album(s).
Kukri Knife - SUPERVILLAIN
This would have been the next knife I would have added to the collection. Funny, I still have few DOOM names lying around. (A-F-R-O DOOM, DOOMRILLAZ.) But I feel like I more or less got everything I ever wanted. Everything my child self ever wanted. The dream was realizd. And now, like all things, it dies.
Closing Words
What’s next? I’ll be keeping the M9 and the Karambit as play-skins, and naming them “Hiphopopotamus” and “Rhymenoceros”, respectively, referencing a much humbler Hip-hop act.
Those of you who are arithmetically inclined may notice that the sum of the items in question is suspiciously similar to the price of a pair of frames made by a luxury maker. A coincidence I shall not comment on at this moment, I’m afraid. (← A pathetic attempt at a comic relief. My soul is crushed.)
All things must come to an end—even a child’s dream. Yes, I am sad. But then again, rarely am I not. What’s another heartbreak?
